"Whales"

Storypeople from Brian Andreas entitled "Whales"

 

Have you guys ever felt like this?

Like you wish sometimes you could join the whales?

I found this Storypeople print about 4 years ago and I remember even back then I wanted to join the whales. I actually think of this picture pretty often. 

Maybe that's sad. I remember sending the pic to my hubs way back when, and told him how I felt and I remember him saying how that made him sad for me.

It's the truth tho.

I wish I could swim away with the whales and not have to hear my thoughts, the noise, feel the heartache, remember the sadness and hard moments from the last 2 years...

Most times I wish I could erase my memory..even erase the good memories..

Everything reminds me of Mom...everything...and sometimes, it's just too much.

I envy those whales and the freedom they have underwater.

 

Someday I know I will have that same freedom and I'll want to live life on land.

Until then, I will keep pushing forward as much as I can, even on the hardest of days.

I will try to give myself a break on the hard days.

I will continue to work out with D and do my best to make good food choices.

I will continue to see my therapist and spend time with family and friends.

I will continue to fight and not give up.

Mom wouldn't want me too, and frankly neither do I.

The whales didn't give up, they just found a better way of living in peace....

And I guess I will find my way too....

 

xoxoxo

 

 

I remember when the whales had wings she said.

Whatever happened? I said. It got to be too noisy with all the airplanes & other stuff, so they flew into the ocean and never came back. Some days, she added, I think about going too.

The Next Chapter....??

 

 

So what is next? The cleanse is done...my kitchen is done (Yay!!!), my birthday is over...

so what is next..

 

I've been thinking a lot about what to write, what to let out.  I'll be honest, it's hard because I want to write about my grief, my thoughts on working through the pain of the last 2 years, of losing my Mom...but if I write about it, it's like I'm living through it twice as much..does that make sense?

 

I've thought about writing a bit on the struggle, the journey, the experience I'm going thru to try and lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle....to work with D, to change my diet..but I'm not an expert and all I know is what I experience every day. 

 

I do know I've been wanting to share this...I've been working out with D now about 3 days a week, plus doing my own little workouts on days I don't see her, and I'd have to say, it is one of the best things I could possibly be doing for myself these days.

I know what your thinking...sure exercising is good for you...duh...but when most days feel so empty, and sad, and depressing, and like you can't imagine going on ...exercising has been one of things that saves me from those feelings. That and a little bonus I get with D in that each workout is sort of like a mini therapy session!  (thnx for listening girl!)

I tell D and my hubs all the time how much better I always feel when I'm done with my workout.

1. I've accomplished some challenging work

2. I continue to stick to my schedule with D

3. I've worked out some nervous energy, some frustration, some pain, sadness....

 

I think the 3rd reason I listed is the best one. It's - pardon my french - damn hard to get up every day and find it in you to workout when it's not really your thing..and trust me when I say it's not my thing...but I've come to find that it truly does make me feel better. In the long run of course I will be healthier and all that, but each day I do it and get it done, I feel like I can go home and accomplish what I need to get done...I feel good about myself, and feel proud of myself..mostly things I don't feel the majority of the time..

 

Believe me...on days I'm not really feeling it, the hubby always says "you know you'll feel better afterwards..." and believe me when I say sometimes I want to kick him when he says it..but it's true.

I'm here to say it really is true.

I'm hoping I'm turing into the kind of person that doesn't eat my way through stress and depression, but that I'm the kind of person that exercises my stress and emotions away!  It's tough stuff...but I have amazing people supporting me..and even if I didn't...I'd like to think I'm getting strong enough to support and motivate myself!

That's not easy for a person who is pretty hard on themselves most of the time...

 

So I guess that's where I'm at today...doing my best to get up every and day and just get it done.

It's my job everyday to get up and just work through the sadness and the heartache and do what I need to do for me.

I know that's what Mom would want me to do.

So I'll keep going...and hopefully so can you!

 

Whether we know each other or not..I'm supporting you and telling you, that you can in fact do it!

xoxo

 

ps. Check out the tea I've added to my (small) collection! D can tell you all about it HERE!

Just leaving you with some beauty.......

KELLY RAE ROBERTS - LOVE HER ART!

 

 

 



What's next??!?

So I've been MIA since I finished the cleanse...my apologies!

 

 

Things have been pretty good actually. I'd have to say, that my food intake has been much less than what it used to be. It really doesn't take much to get full anymore! That I'm loving! I'm thinking more about my what my portion sizes should be, and I'm continuing to think ahead and plan on what my meals should be, and try to make the best decisions I can when my meals may not be in my control.

 

For example: Dan and I took his grandma out for PIZZA this past Monday!

Not only was it a pizza place, but we got there just in time for the dinner pizza BUFFET!

Great right! However, D and I had talked that morning about my plan....drink a shake on the way, have a salad for dinner, and then have 1-2 small pieces of pizza if I wanted.

It was a great plan, and having talked it out, it truly made the decision on what to eat so much easier!

I had 2 small plates of salad, and 2 small pieces of pizza. Perfect! Oh, and water to drink!

 

I'm glad I had talked it out with D that morning. So by no means am I where I want to be, however I feel like I've overcome some hurdles!

 

My goals now are to continue to lose weight, workout regularly with D, focus on my portion controls and try to just have a balanced diet and put things in my body that are good for me! Oh and not eat when I'm stressed. Boy how I wish I was one of those people that DIDN'T eat when they are stressed, but I am........So, I'm just going to deal with it, and change the habit. I really don't have any other choice. I need to be healthy. I have way to many other things going on and way to much stress on me, so I don't need to add unhealthy-ness (is that a word????) to the pile! 

I guess we will just see how it goes...

 

So true right!!!  I have to tell myself this next time D is making me
do those darn up and down plank things...!!


xoxo!

 ps. I think I'm also free from the caffeine addiction! Since the cleanse I've only had coffee about 3 times, and its been decaf! Woo!

p.p.s. This is SO exciting!! - D started up her blog and wrote an awesome, informative article on Super Tea! Yep Super Tea! I know I'll be wanting it! Check out her "2 sense" HERE!!!! 



DAY 9 - I MADE IT!!!

DAY 9 - THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yesterday was the last day of the cleanse...and today I am officially DONE!!!

My schedules from the last 9 days!

Yesterday was the hardest of them all I think! I just didn't want do it anymore! I woke up just wanting to eat. Just simply have a meal. I was hungry, and tired, and just done! It took everything in me to push through the day! But I did it!!!!

I can't believe I finished the whole thing and practically perfect too!
I feel really good about following through with the whole plan and sticking to the program, I've really never been able to do something like this my whole life!

Even though this cleanse changed me a bit physically, I think it changed my thinking even more.
I think it did give me a confidence in knowing that I can fight temptations, that I can have control and make good choices. That for me was almost just as important as losing a little bit of weight.
As nervous as I am in moving forward...I know I can do it. I know I can continue to make good food choices and work towards having a healthy lifestyle!!

Below are my final measurments! Officially I lost 10lbs. in 9 days!
D took some before pics, but I'm no where near ready to even look at them!

 

 

NECK
START: 14 - DAY 4: 13.5 - DAY 9: 13.25

UPPER ARM LEFT
START: 14.75 - DAY 4: 13.75 - DAY 9: 13.25

UPPER ARM RIGHT
START: 14.5 - DAY 4: 13.75 - DAY 9: 13

CHEST
 START: 48.5 - day 4: 49 (I was wearing a not so good sports bra this day) - DAY 9: 46.5 (I wore the same sports bra as I did on the start day!)

DIAPHRAM
START: 43 - DAY 4: 41 - DAY 9: 42.5

WAIST
 START: 49 - DAY 4: 46 - DAY 9: 45.5

ABDOMEN
START: 48 - DAY 4: 47 - DAY 9: 46

BUTT
START: 48 - DAY 4: 47 - DAY 9: 47

UPPER THIGH LEFT
START: 25 - DAY 4: 22.5 - DAY 9: 24.5

UPPER THIGH RIGHT
START: 24 - DAY 4: 22.5 - DAY 9: 24.5

CALF LEFT
START: 16 - DAY 4: 15.5 - DAY 9: 15.5

CALF RIGHT
START: 15 - DAY 4: 15 - DAY 9: Little under 15

UPPER KNEE LEFT
START: 18 - DAY 4: 17.5 - DAY 9: 17

UPPER KNEE RIGHT
START: 17.75 - DAY 4: 17 - DAY 9: 17


Well there they all are!  I'm really nervous about moving forward now. D and I have talked a lot this week about what the next step is..salads for dinner...don't jump back in, hold of a bit on dairy...portion control portion control portion control.....alcohol, I just cleansed out my system so do I really want to put it back in?!?

It's the snacking during the day that always gets me...however, I'm going to fill my house of up with fruits and lean proteins, lentils..beans..greens...the works! That will help with the temptations!


I know I'm not perfect, and I know I will make mistakes, and give in at times, and that's okay. I'm a work in progress...as we all are right!?

Thank you for all of the support, comments, and encouragement!
I appreciate it so much!




Huge thanks especially to D and my hubs...You each helped me so much in your own special ways
 and I know I wouldn't have gotten thru these last 9 days without you!

No matter what obstacles you are facing right now..big or small, you will make it through!
Sometimes it's taking it one moment at a time, and I know sometimes those moments are the hardest, but you will always get through them!

Cheers to the end of a new experience and the success that came with it!
Go me and go you!
Our dreams are worth it and the hard work does pay off!

 

Via

 With that I leave you...I'm pretty tired and can't wait to sleep!
Thank you again for keeping me motivated!

xoxo


DAY 7 & 8 - ALMOST DONE!

DAY 7 & DAY 8

 

Happy Tuesday!

 

I'm just going to jump right in because...well guys, I'm just done!

I'm ready to be done with this cleanse!

I knew these last 2 days would be just as hard as the first 2!

 

Yesterday was DAY 7, and the day went by so fast I feel like I hardly had time to even think about the cleanse! Yesterday was very long and busy, my shake for breakfast and lunch were on the road. My dinner, I was allowed 1, was going to be out. The thought of cooking was just a little too much for the hubby and I so we decided on going out. After trying to look up the nutritional info on a few restaurants we decided to eat at this awesome organic market/restaurant that just opened up.

That is one thing I can say Dan and I try to do when we want to go out to eat. It doesn't happen everytime, but we try. It's so helpful and I know I will make a better choice if I have a little more control!

 

My meal was a delicious Veggie Burger and Side Salad! OMG it was like the best meal I had had in days and days!!!!!  I was at a point where I just needed substance. Was it the best choice I could have made? Maybe, maybe not. But I just decided I was  not going to feel guilty about this meal!

 

 

 

Today on DAY 8 and going back to the full day liquid diet...last nights meal was so worth it!

 

Today was just hard. It was just hard and I'm glad it's done.

And I'm SOOO glad tomorrow is DAY 9!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Today I was just ready to give up, to simply give up.

It took everything in me to not.

 I just kept slugging along, but I was not happy.

How easy would it have been to cheat all day?!

It's always easy for me to just give in...

"this bite won't matter...it's only a small snack...I'm a little bit hungry handful of this..or that won't hurt.."

 

Do you know how many times I opened the fridge and pantry today??!

Like I said, I'm glad the day is done!

I am proud of myself for resisting the temptations today. It was A LOT of self talk, but I can now say, I did it. I was stronger than the temptations and I didn't let them beat me!

I feel like I don't get to say that very often so it really does feel good!

I'm glad tomorrow is DAY 9!

I'll take final measurements and weight tomorrow with D and finish out the cleanse!

 

I hope you had a good day and even if your night is ending with feelings of guilt or regret...

Just remember tomorrow is another day and you get a whole new chance to try again!

 

xoxo!

 

Again if you are interested in checking out the CLEANSE or to learn a little more about who my AWESOME TRAINER is...click HERE!!!

 

Via

 

 



DAY 6! - GETTING THERE!!!

DAY 6!

 

Hello hello readers, friends, family, and followers!

 

I hope you had a fabulous Superbowl Sunday Funday! What did you get to eat? Did you make any fun snacks?

I can say that this was the first Superbowl in, well years I haven't made anything! It felt so strange!

 

So I mentioned before that yesterday was a bit of a cheat day and this is why....

 

Like I had said, we got to bed pretty late the night before, so by the time I woke up Sunday morning and was functional....it was practically noon! Even my hubs was waiting for me to get up, which is very unusual! I'm normally up early on the weekends so to sleep in that late was quite a change!

By the time I woke up I was starving and knew I couldn't make up my breakfast and lunch shakes so I just sort of switched it up a bit.  I decided my lunch meal was going to be breakfast out with the hubs and just stay within my calories and skip the morning shake.

So cheat maybe #1. BUT, I had a good balanced meal and didn't even finish the whole thing! My meal looked a bit like this:

 

 

I struggled with making the choice to go out and even have this meal..but I was weak...and hungry..and a bit crabby...so the decision was just made.

I ended up eating...Just one slice of bread with a light spread of each jam (no butter of course!)

I drank only half of the O.J., had mostly water.

I ate almost all of the fruit, most of the eggs (I ordered 2 eggs, but they were Eggbeaters)

And only 1.5 of the turkey sausage patties with the tiniest dab of ketchup!

Just from all of that I was full!

Normally I could put down like a whole skillet...toast..coffee...water..sometimes O.J...

I was pretty proud of myself for not only ordering this but also for not finishing it all!

 

Here's the thing..I am a stress eater. I am an emotional eater. I have no control over my portions at times. I sometimes don't stop when I'm full. And I'm pretty good at making excuses for why it's okay to have...dessert..or one more bite..or an unhealthy meal..or a cocktail...

D would probably say I'm good at making excuses for why I can't work as hard during our sessions too! Although she doesn't le me get away with that and I just have to push through..but that's why I love her!

All of these things I just admitted to you..and said outloud to myself are NOT okay.

They are issues I need to address. Very important issues I need to address.

Trust me, I don't want to...I don't want to have to think about calories, or portions...I don't want there to be a "should we or should we not" conversation with Dan every time we want to go out to eat..I don't want to have to think about what kind of adult beverage I should choose...or not choose to have...

However.....I have to remember it will get easier. Like working out, it does get better...my down dog poses are getting improving...my calves are getting a bit looser right...so I guess with practice, good does will come of it. Change will get a bit easier...I just have to accept the fact that I may always have to work a little harder at making good choices...it may never come naturally for me, and it may always be a choice. I also have to except that I'm not perfect and that's okay. All I can do is try my best, and not be so hard on myself if I don't make the best decision every time.

This is part of what this cleanse is teaching me...to just take minute and think about the food choices I have to make..think about my timing and prepare so that I can be proud of myself and the decisions I've made at the end of the day.

 

It's so hard to do that isn't it..congratulate yourself for the good you did for you or even others..whether it be something small or something great. I feel like so many of us are too good at criticizing ourselves and beating ourselves up instead of patting ourselves on the back.

Well I'm for sure guilty of that.

And that has to change.

 

So back to breakfast...I made the choice to eat out, and then...I made the choice to eat dinner, not drink dinner.

Cheat #2.

This was my Superbowl splurge:

Carrots with Greek Yogurt for dipping (I added a little ranch seasoning and taco seasoning for flavor).

Leftover Turkey Chili Dan had frozen for us awhile back.

A handful of Goldfish crackers.

Half of a chocolate chip cookie.

Seltzer Water.

 

I should be proud of myself for that considering it was Superbowl Sunday!

So....one day at a time right? It's all we can do sometimes...we aren't perfect and we aren't always going go to make the best decisions..but when we make good decisions we should give ourselves the credit and just be happy for it!

 

So that was my DAY 6!

I'm so close I can't even believe it!

Thank you for all of the support I have received through comments and texts and Facebook messages! I wouldn't make it without the support of so many!

 

Sweet dreams and try to give yourself a break..and a pat on the back because you deserve it!

xoxo!

 

We all have it in us to make our dreams come true!!!
It just may take one day at a time!

 

 

 

 

 



DAY 5 - Struggling...

DAY 5

Happy Superbowl Sunday Funday everyone!
A day of eating...drinking..sitting around...and really all things not-healthy! 

I'll talk about Superbowl Sunday later but first I wanted to discuss yesterday. Which was DAY 5. 

Dear friends, it was tough. Really tough. 

I found myself yesterday hitting that wall I knew I would eventually hit.
I was crabby. I was tired. I was not motivated. I was crabby. I know I already said that but it was one of the things I was dreading most about this cleanse.  I didn't want to be crabby. It wasn't fair to Dan (my hubs!), or anyone else really! I tried so hard to be positive, fun, not down...motivated... and not cranky and short...

We did get much done yesterday and I did follow my shake/food regiment which I'm proud of!  We ordered the knobs for our kitchen cabinets and got some work done on them! But all in all I had a rough time getting through the day. I wasn't excited about my shakes...not my snacks and I really just wanted to be done with the whole thing.  I knew it was going to happen once the weekend came. 

The other part that was hard was that we decided to go out with friends last night. It was my choice. I had to get out of the house and just do something normal...but man, it wasn't pretty. 

My dinner, my one meal of the day was going to be eaten out, and after much consideration we chose a restaurant that had sushi on the menu. So I had a vegetarian roll and a cup of miso soup. It was delish and I felt satisfied! The hardest part wasn't the meal itself it was the not being able to enjoy a cocktail with dinner! 

When I told D I was going to go out last night, she said to drink the bubble water...so that's what I did with dinner too!  

We met with friends at a bar to watch a band, which was great and all, but the band was a like a 70-80's cover rock band, that only reminded me of my Mom..and a bit of my Dad (also not the greatest memories..), and I couldn't enjoy any adult beverages with my friends. 

It. was. rough. - To say the least...

It wasn't the best night of my life, but I can say that I made it through the whole night sticking with my bubble water and not having even a sip of alcohol! That in itself was an accomplishment for me! 

The only other problem was we didn't get to bed until almost 2a.m. and that seriously messed with my hunger pains! When we got home I had a bit of a low blood sugar thing going on so I had some crackers with peanut butter. I just had to do it. I didn't think it was going to ruin it all...

So all in all, the weekend has not been ideal, however, I have to tell myself this is not going to be my normal lifestyle forever...it's only 9 days and I can do this! I just have to finish I'm so close!  

So back to Superbowl Sunday!  

Come back to visit tomorrow to find out how I did today!  My schedule so far is a bit off, and I'm going to have a bit of a cheat day...not in the chicken wings...dips..and soda pop way of cheating though! 

I do get to hang out with this little bundle of sweetness below so I'm not all that worried!  

Have a great Superbowl Sunday!  

GO RAVENS! 

This is my sweet little

"niece" Hailey!

I introduced

Hailey 

HERE

about a year ago

and now she is 

almost 2!!

She continues

to be the one thing

that makes me 

smile everyday

and keeps me 

going! 

DAY 4 - HALF WAY DONE!

DAY 4!

Good afternoon!  My aplologies for not posting DAY 4 last night. I was SOOOO tired! 

I had a long day and I was just exhausted!

 

I had an awesome workout with D. We did circuit training..and it was tougher than I thought it was going to be! We also took measurements. You can take them DAY 1, DAY 3, and DAY 9. I wanted to make sure I took them with D again so I knew I had the right spots measured and I also wanted to do them in the morning before a whole day of working out..eating...etc.  So technically I had measurements done on DAY 4 and they look like this!: 

NECK:  start: 14 - day 4: 13.5
UPPER ARM LEFT:  start: 14.75 - day 4: 13.75
UPPER ARM RIGHT:  start: 14.5 - day 4: 13.75
CHEST: start: 48.5 - day 4: 49 (I was wearing a not so good sports bra this day)
DIAPHRAM:  start: 43 - day 4: 41
WAIST: start: 49 - day 4: 46
ABDOMEN: start: 48 - day 4: 47
BUTT: start: 48 - day 4: 47
UPPER THIGH LEFT:  start: 25 - day 4: 22.5
UPPER THIGH RIGHT:  start: 24 - day 4: 22.5
CALF LEFT:  start: 16 - day 4: 15.5
CALF RIGHT: start: 15 - day 4: 15
UPPER KNEE LEFT: start: 18 - day 4: 17.5
UPPER KNEE RIGHT:  start: 17.75 - day 4: 17 

So there they are! I can't believe I'm putting them out there...!!!

 

  

I was also able to have a meal either for lunch or dinner. I choose dinner so that my hubs and I could finally have a sit down meal together! Breakfast and Lunch were shakes, and I had a snack around 4pm!  D and I had been talking about tacos...so of course that was all I craved all day! So tacos it was! 2 corn tortilla chicken tacos w onion, cilantro, salsa, and guacamole! Yumm! I can't have dairy so I had to ask for no cheese! I also made myself a little side salad with lots of spinach in it! D is always pushing the dark greens so I try to get them in when I can!

 

 

Dinner felt great to eat, but I'd have to admit after I was done eating I immediately went back to that after a meal guilt..."I ate too much...I ruined my day...I'm so full and feel like crap I totally sabotaged myself..."

UGGH! I say to that! Why do we do that to ourselves! Maybe I did eat too much? I don't know, but after this cleanse is over I am determined to not let myself feel like that after I have a good meal.  Which is another one of my concerns for after the cleanse is done.  What if I gain all the weight back? What if I do splurge too much? I know my body and the weight will come back so easy...

I'm seriously concerned.

I mean I have been working hard on changing how I eat, the foods I eat, when I eat, portion control, all of it really....but I don't know if I will have the strength, the will power to keep it up.

I guess it will be one day at a time...one meal at a time...continuing to plan ahead...

I know it can be done..but easier said right.

 

It's always going to be hard I know that. D says it will get easier...I believe her...I mean it has gotten easier since we started working together and I have made good changes..

This is where my therapist would most likely tell me to just give myself a break and be proud of all that I have accomplished so far!  I'm working on it...also easier said than done!

 

So I made it through DAY 4! Half way done! I'm so excited! I can't believe I've made it this far!

I do feel energized and clear minded..which I haven't felt in a long time! I'm mostly hungry but I'm sort of getting used to it (man that is weird to say!)!

I'm a bit nervous about the weekend, but I just have to stay focused and stay busy!

 

Speaking of the weekend...it FINALLY snowed here in Chicago and I love it! I could do without the cold...but I SOOO love the snow! It's so pretty and calm..and reminds me of my Mom....

My sweet pup is outside frolicking in the snow with her neighbor doggy friends and it's so fun to watch them!

 

I hope you have a great day! I posted some pics of the dogs in the snow!

DAY 5 post to come!

Happy Day!
 


Ruca in our back yard!

Yes she has a pink coat on! 

Ruca and her bestie Butch playing!
 

It's hard to see but Butch's cute little face is covered in snow!

If you're interested in working with D, or want some info on the cleanse click HERE!

 

 



DAY 3 - P.M.

DAY 3 - P.M. POST

 

Happy Evening! I hope you had a great day!

 

Besides the wonderful time I had at the museum today, I'd have to say that I finally had a day where I felt good.  Like really good. Even though my jeans still didn't quite fit, and I still hated every picture I took, I felt good being just....me. It's been a long time since I've felt that way.

 

Maybe it was the scale this morning...maybe it's the cleanse, or the fact that I got to have a meal today!...maybe it's the awesome workout I had yesterday, or all the awesome workouts I've had w D the last few months..maybe it was just the fun I was having..maybe it was all of it combined?!

Whatever it was, I was in a great mood day and all night so far and just feels well...great!

 

Funny how after so long when you just don't feel like yourself..for so many reasons, and then you have what feels like a normal day just being you.... just how much happiness and freedom it brings.

It makes me grateful for today.

 

 

Via

 

So here I am after DAY 3...

My food schedule looked a bit like this:

Breakfast: Shake w Accelerator Capsule

Snack: Brown Rice - Rice Cake

Lunch: 1 Serving of Chicken and Rice, Side Garden Salad w about 1 Tbs. Balsamic Dressing

Dinner: Shake w Accelerator Capsule

Late Night Snack:  Some awesome hot tea that D introduced me to from China Town!

 

First meal in 2 days!

 

I'd have to say I'm pretty content!  At lunch I didn't even finish all of my chicken and rice, and I wasn't really hungry in the afternoon! By the time dinner came around I was definitely ready for something, but now, hours later, I'm hungry but nowhere near how hungry I was last night!

I'm also pretty sore thanks so an awesome workout with D yesterday! I tell ya this is why I love working out with her!  Each session is always different, and I always end up feeling like I worked a different part of my body!  She just rocks!  

 

So DAY 3 not so bad!

The key is for sure to stay busy and plan ahead! By bringing my lunch and snacks with me, I was able to fight the temptations of the food court much easier than if I hadn't.

I'm going to be realistic here and say that I may crash...I probably will crash and just want to be done with this whole cleanse...

But I want to stay positive and think about the good that will come of it, the good that has already come of it! I don't want to disappoint myself or anyone else so the truth is...I'm just have to finish it!

 

I do have other fears and concerns for after I'm done with the cleanse, but maybe I'll leave that for tomorrow!

 

So with that I leave you and wish you goodnight and sweet dreams!

I wish you good rest and peace of mind..even if it's only for a bit!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



DAY 3 - Shake Day - Finally!!!

DAY 3!

Interested in trying the shake or the cleanse click HERE!

Finally a shake day!  Yay!! I was so excited this morning when I got up!  

I really had a hard time sleeping last night, well at least falling asleep. I was SOO hungry. And not just like your mid day, yeah I can eat hungry, it was like...starving hungry! It took everything in me not to get out of bed and have a late night snack!  It was another night of tossing and turning, but for the most part I feel rested!

So I thought I would start the day with writing about my morning...I was up early today because I'm spending the day at a museum with an old bestie and her son!  When I was getting ready to shower I looked at myself in the mirror and thought...there's now way I've made even the slightest change. I looked exactly the same. Strangely I feel like my stomach inside is shrinking a bit, it't hard to explain, but it does in a way feel a bit smaller, so I guess that's a change. But physically on the outside I felt like I looked exactly the same. Not that I'm expecting miracle changes overnight, but I thought maybe a little something you know..so I texted my husband another sad text..but then I remembered I got to weigh myself on Day 3! 

Off to the scale I went with my head down, feeling defeated already...

To my surprise....the scale showed a 9 POUND difference!  I couldn't believe it! I was shocked! 

How could this be?!?!  Now, it could be water weight, I'll have to ask D about that tomorrow, but still, 9lbs down...I'll take it!  I'm also supposed to take measurements today but I'll probably do that tomorrow w D!

So now head up, feeling relieved that my "suffering" payed off! Even if I only lose another 5lbs by the end of the whole thing, that's okay!  I will have succeeded! 

So off to the museum I go with my pre-made lunch (thanks hubby!), my 2 snacks for the day and the alarm on my phone set for my designated snack times! 

Have a great day and I will post again tonight to let you know how the day went!  

=) 

DAY 2!!!

DAY 2

 

 

It's 7pm and I can almost....mostly...say I made it through Day 2!

Yay me!

 

I had a hard time falling asleep last night...woke up earlier than usual with my pup and then couldn't really fall back asleep. So I was tired today but I got through the day without even taking a nap!

 

So I'm not going to lie...I woke up this morning not all that excited about my day of "only fluids" but I just kept thinking..tomorrow I can have a meal! Tomorrow I can wake up and have a yummy chocolate shake for breakfast!  I also sooooo wanted a cup of coffee!  Which by the way after talking with D about my coffee w cream addiction, when I can start enjoying the yummy caffeine in the a.m's again I will be making the switch to coffee with almond milk cream. Hmmm...we shall see how yummy that is ;)

 

Speaking of  D, we had a great session today and let me just say...it was TOUGH!

Always a good tough of course, but D had to push me a bit more today than usual I think. 

By the end of the workout I felt a bit dizzy and light headed, but I made it home for cleanse drink round 2.

 

I thought I was going to come home and crash, but I did quite the opposite. I had my weekly therapy session, had a great phone call with Aunt January and worked on my kitchen cabinets. 

I actually felt pretty good this afternoon! I felt in control of things and even turned up the music and danced a bit while painting!  As hard as the last 2 days have been, doing this cleanse is giving me control of my health in a way I never really had. It's mind over matter and I'm choosing to fight the temptations and take back the control of the urges to eat, or more splurge.

 

As I sat down this evening while Dan cooked dinner and what will be my delish 4-600 calorie lunch tomorrow I started  thinking about the next now 7 days and how much work it will be..how much thought it will take and energy it will be to fight the temptations.  BUT, I'm pushing those thoughts aside, I just have to or I won't make it! Like anything else...it's one day at a time.

It's strength of mind, body, and soul, and I'm going to find it in me to finish this cleanse!

I'm going to finally follow through with a commitment and succeed!

 

I'm much more hungry tonight than I was last night and I've had a bit of headache for a few hours now. I'm feeling good energy wise, but like last night I'll be heading to bed early!

Staying busy is key I think as well as planning ahead.  I'm focusing on tomorrow now and looking forward to breakfast!  Yay!

 

Today I had the thought, man with all of the other emotional struggles I have going on, why or how am I going to get through this. I don't have an answer except I just am. Simple as that and that feels good! That gives me strength and the power to just keep moving forward!

That and the encouragment from D and my wonderful friends and family!

 

Again I say sweet dreams to you and wish you a restful nights sleep free from the stress and worry that may be consuming you!

 

'night!

 

Via

 

 

 



"The incredible shrinking woman" - DD

Its been almost 5 months since my last post.  I guess you could say I haven't been able to bring myself to writing..or even look at my page. It's just a reminder. A reminder of my Mom, of the life I once had with her. It's memories I don't want to forget but are too hard to think about right now..

At some point, maybe even in 9 days, (I'll explain!) I can come back to writing about my grief, my healing, or maybe even just the happy memories..even maybe the not so good memories...

So until then, I was encouraged to journal about an experience I never thought I would do...an experience I never thought that even if I had tried it, I would never finish it. 

So here it is.  I'm doing a cleanse.  Yes a cleanse.  Surprised?  I am!
Let me back up a little bit...
Way back in November I decided I was going to commit to start truly taking care of myself.  Not like I had never tried before, but this time, I thought, I won't make it through this year if I don't start doing some good for me.  So through the wonderful world of Facebook I contacted an old friend from the neighborhood who had become a personal trainer!  I'll call her D for short, but you can check her out HERE at Body Revolution!

Since then I have been training with her in her sweet little apartment in the city.  She has been and continues to teach me so much about food, health, exercise, and much much more!  She truly is helping to bring me back to life and now I couldn't imagine life without our sessions! 
Now back to the cleanse. More about D later!...D had told me about the cleanse awhile ago, and after much thought I figured, why not?
Not only would it give me a boost (esp after the holidays), but I could also probably use it!

D also encouraged me to journal about my cleansing experience to not only someday day help others who would want to do a cleanse, but to also encourage health and wellness for those going through tough times.  I thought, that's exactly what I should be doing.  I also figured it would help me get back into writing...So here I am, and today is DAY 1.

I'm doing the 9 day (yes 9 days!) Isagenix Cleanse.  The breakdown is a bit like this....
2 Cleanse Days - You drink all of your meals and have a couple tiny snacks
5 shake days - 2 meals are protein shakes and one meal that is 400-600 calories
2 Cleanse Days - Same as above

I took my weight and measurements yesterday w D, and no I did not take before pics. I can barely stand myself in the mirror, let alone on film!

I promise the next 9 days of posts won't be as long, I won't need to introduce the whole background story!

DAY 1

Goes a little something like this...

I'm so ready for this and I am so determined to finish...I just kept thinking to myself "I know I'm going to be hungry..just stay busy and in the summer..it will all have been worth it!"
I'm on a schedule and the day is broken down like this:

Morning: Cleanse Drink (basically a powder mixed w 8oz. of water)
Mid Morning: Snack which includes these awesome chocolate (for lack of a better word) pellets that are just..not good. Plus 2 other snacks. I had 1/2 an apple and 6 almonds. 1 Natural Accelerator Capsule. Water.
Late Morning: Cleanse Drink
Early Afternoon: Snack (same as above)
Mid Afternoon: Cleanse Drink
Early Evening: Snack..I mixed it up a bit and had a hard boiled egg w 6 almonds!
Evening:  Cleanse Drink

I can't believe it. I mean I can, it's not like I've never heard about how cleanses work..but I can't believe I'm doing this.
The day wasn't that bad believe it or not. I just took it one step at a time. Every time I started to get really hungry it was time for either a cleanse drink or a snack.  D's advice was to stay busy. So that's what I'm doing.  I decided to remodel our kitchen cabinets so I'm now up to my elbows with painting, priming, sanding and cleaning. In reverse order of course =)

I felt determined to not cheat either. Trust me the trip to the food section at Target for my brother didn't help. Nor did making him Mac n Cheese and Pasta...but I didn't cheat!  I didn't even test a noodle! I was pretty proud of myself for that!

I'm trying so hard to push the negative thoughts out of my head...they go like this...
"Knowing me and my body I bet at the end of this nothing will have changed..."
"I'm so hungry how the hell am I going to do this for 8 more days...."
"How am I going to possibly work out! I don't even have the energy to think at this point!"

I think my biggest fear is that my weight and measurements are going to have NOT changed at the end of my 9 days. I know, maybe you're thinking how is that possible...well what if it is!?!  Ok ok...this is probably just my lack of confidence and self-esteem talking here...but truly I'm fearing the worst.  I really am determined to finish the whole thing and get some results!  Let's see how I feel after tomorrow right!

It's about 10p.m. and I'm hungry and have a bit of a headache...Did I mention I had to give up alchohol and caffeine too!
I figure at this point it's just time for bed!  I'm going to hopefully sleep well and think about my DAY 2. If I think about it enough and prepare myself for the day..I'll know what to expect and will have more strength to fight the temptations!

I can do this. At least that's what I'm going to continue to tell myself. It's only 9 days and at the end of it all...hey, I may come out of it healthier and stronger!

So off to bed I go! Til tomorrow!
To you and your empty or full tummies......goodnight and sweet dreams!