56 days since Mom passed away. I can't go into details, I can still barely say it out loud, but my therapist encouraged me to do some things that make me feel good. I've been avoiding blogging for a few reasons. One, I was discouraged. I don't know how to make my page look good, how to make it fun, how to make it look like I want...I'm just not computer savy..and really who is reading this? Anyone? Are you out there?? Two, I don't know what to say. I don't want to cry. I don't want to post pictures, I don't.. can't be happy. I don't want to remember, or go back, but yet I can't go forward..
Who knows if this will help. If it will help me, help you? I don't know. But I'm just going to give it a go...I'm watching football with my husband, it's one of our favorite things to do together, but I can't sit still. All I think about is my Mom. She is every other thought I have, she was someone I wasn't supposed to grieve for until I was older.
My therapist today looked at me with such sorrow in her eyes. I asked her if I was always going to be that girl now that people look at and think "wow, she's that girl that lost a parent, that had something tragic happen to her." She said no, but I don't believe her. I feel like I lost my spark. I've just been faking it really since July 11...
The crash is happening. For 56 days I have held it together, but I fear I am starting to lose it.
I know I just need time...I know, I know, I know, I know...
