Pump In, Pump Out

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Pump In, Pump Out. 

It was our thing!  It was what we had to do....IF, we wanted to see Mom.  

When a loved one is diagnosed with Cancer, being the caregiver comes with rules and responsibilities.  

Pump In, Pump Out. Not only was it something we had to get used to doing every time we walked into Mom's room, but I guess it could used as a metaphor for the emotional roller coaster you are constantly living on.  Will I be on my game today?  Will I be checked out of the world around me?  

So bear with me.  I am working backwards to work forward.  Confusing? I'm sure, but in my heart of hearts I truly believe I have to go back, and mentally and emotionally work through the trauma we were all put through in order to move forward.  So here we are.  

So with that said, a huge part of moving on, is passing on all of the knowledge I have gained from this experience.  I'd just like to say, I'm no professional.  I don't work in a hospital, and I'm not a social worker, but after ten months, I've learned more than I could ever want to know about the medical world! Along the way check out some of the websites dedicated to Cancer patients and Caregivers!

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Pump IN, Pump OUT - With Leukemia patients, you have to be constantly aware of what they are exposed to. In order to walk in my Mom's room, you had to pump the hand sanitizer, and when you left you had to disinfect.  Why do I bring this up you may ask? Easy right?  Well unfortunately, there were a few times we had to remind some of our medical team to pump in when they came in the room.  We were constantly reminding each other to sanitize!  Here's the point, don't be afraid to ask those around you, whether it be the hospital staff, family or friends, to follow the rules when they are around the patient.  It's the best for everyone, and if you ask kindly those around you will understand where you are coming from.  If you see something a medical professional does that you don't agree with or understand, express your concerns or ask a question.  They are there to help you stay at ease and reassure you the best they can.  

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Ask Questions - Don't be scared to ask the hospital staff any questions you may have.  I can't tell you how often I asked the same questions to our amazing nurses, or how often the docs would come in and explain something to us, and I would have to repeat it maybe 2X, just to make sure I got it right! Even if you think your question sounds silly, or doesn't quite make sense, ask.  You will feel better and won't worry as much after you get your answer!  The hospital staff will encourage you to ask questions, so don't be shy!  Write down questions you have for the next time you visit.  It may also help to encourage your patient to do the same.  They are already under enough stress and trauma, and trying to remember the questions they have, or the answers they have received may be too much for them.  Understandable right?  Well same for you.  So start a notebook that everyone has access to.  The knowledge of the disease and the treatment you will get is overwhelming, and we are only human and can remember so much right!  

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Parking, Food, Clothing, etc. - Sounds like a silly thing to suggest for a topic, but when you really think about it, they all become part of the process.  Parking Garage.  I envy you if the hospital your loved one is at has free parking, but in case it doesn't, I feel your pain.  Ask around to see if the hospital offers a discount sticker system, or weekly maybe even monthly deals for parking in their garage. If you are visiting daily, be prepared to pay an arm and a leg when all is said and done.  So look for the discounts!  Food.  Strange as it is to think about, its for your own survival.  When you can, pack a lunch and bring snacks.  Take advantage of the "kitchen" area that may be available to you on the unit your loved one is on.  It's not always affordable to run down and get a snack at the food court, especially when you may be spending long hours with your loved one.  Clothing.  Dress for the unit and patients room, not for the weather outside.  You, like I did, may have to wear a gown and gloves every time you visit.  The gowns are hot and don't breathe, and gloves are suffocating, so dress to be as comfortable as you can.  All of these things are important because still at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself!  

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Your Loved One's Life Outside the Hospital - So when Mom was diagnosed, we all took on different rolls.  Part of my roll was to help figure out what was going to happen to her house, her cats, her bills, her car; basically the every day "worries and responsibilities" we all have.  If you are paying the bills for your loved one, think about what utilities you may be able to cancel, call the credit card companies to see if the payments can be reduced or put on hold.  If your loved one's home is going to be unoccupied while they are in treatment, try to unplug what you can, empty the pantry, have their mail put on hold at the post office, and let at least one neighbor know what is going on and ask if they can keep an eye on the house!  Running someone else's household is a big job and can take up a lot of time, so try to figure things out how to make things a bit easier for you.  Things will go back to normal at some point, but until then while you are taking care of it all, you need to be able to stay sane, so try to give yourself a break and do what's easiest for you! 

I know, its easier said than done!  But we have to at least try right?!
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So I have to admit, this isn't the most interesting of posts, but when your life changes as drastically as it does when you or your loved one becomes ill, its easy to lose your way.  As time goes on I will post more tips for you.  I hope it helps, and if anything, I hope that even if just for a moment you can steal a minute to do something for yourself.  Take care of yourself please, let someone else take care of you, even if its for an hour, or ten minutes.  You have to be strong for your loved one, but in order to do that you have to remember to be strong for yourself.  Trust me I know and I know it's easier said than done.  At the end of the day you may be the last thing you think about taking care of, but your loved one will want whats best for you, and always remember, 

you deserve it.